I currently am in between my second and third chemo treatments, and the good days are getting harder to come by but I am in no way complaining, nor am I in no way throwing any towel in on this full and aggressive treatment. Even though I have been coping with the physical and mental wake of post cancer chaos of the last 7+ years, my focus on having my life put back on track has never stopped. So it is with this focus that I am driven to use what health I have gained to go head first in the most aggressive option I was given, since it has that better chance of having a better life sooner.
My use of the word "soon" does not by any means define the true nature of fighting cancer of any type, especially some types like primary liver complicated by low liver function due to a remaining (yet mild case as the docs describe) auto-immune hepatitis condition.
Anyhoo, getting back to the point of the post, here is another song by Queen called Under Pressure. It is probably just my recent awareness of coincidences in life and the elements that make up some days for me, like listening to music or watching videos on YouTube, but I thought it would be good to share this with you all.
As with the last post with lyrics, I will use the same format:
("actual song lyric")
-followed by my thoughts relative to my perspective of my journey.
........................
Queen - Under Pressure
....
(Pressure
pushing down on me
pressing down on you
no man ask for)
-Cancer, Worry, Bills, Fear of the still unknown and undetected,
The Effects of the Meds, the Treatments, my Choices within the Options given by my oncologist that best fits my case... It all pushes down on me, as each fighter/survivor has their unique burdens of The Journey weighing down on them. It not only pushes down on us but pushes down on the family and friends. And I say this to you the reader... "Cancer pushes down on me, Pushes down on you..." ... and neither of us asked for this, , . cancer and all that ensues within each fighting journey is truly something no person will ever ask for!
...
(under pressure
that burns a building down
splits a family in two
puts people on streets)
-All that bears down, all that is involved with fighting cancer, any stage of cancer, will place strain on even the most resilient individual's life. A life that has either been built up within many years or has just begun and still is in development with plans for college, plans for success, ... plans... ...a life built, no matter the stage it is built up on, comes to a abrupt halt and for many, all that was built is burned down. This very change in one's life can sometimes sadly distance some otherwise very close people in your life once you break the news you have cancer. For some, myself included, become very close to being put on the streets, but I am fortunate to have such a wonderful friend who stood up and accepted her life to be changed by my cancer, that which I had no other choice but to have my life changed by it. In many regards it has been a good change equally with the bad, but it is a perspective only explained by each individual. Sadly for some, the fight can result in loss of home and therefor those fighters end up on the streets by the insane financial strains fighting cancer brings.
...
(It's the terror of knowing
what this world is about
watching some good friends
screaming "let me out"
pray tomorrow
gets me higher
pressure on people
people on streets
It's the terror of knowing
what this world is about
watching some good friends
screaming "let me out"
pray tomorrow
gets me higher
pressure on people
people on streets)
-For everyone on earth directly and indirectly effected by cancer, the fight will never end, because we constantly strive to find something or someone who knows what can make the suffering less or end it completely with a cure. While reading, searching and inquiring for such better ways, we find ourselves engulfed by this community of fighters and survivors alongside wonderful caregivers. The fact that this truth that cancer is happening all around us and for many it occurs without a way of curing it fully due to the lack of detecting it early, .. it is truly terrifying of knowing what this world is all about, especially when one watches a friend suffering with late stage cancer and medicated in bed, unable to get up on their own anymore, wake up terrified screaming "Let me out!" ..Our freedoms in life are something no one should ever take for granted, freedoms like walking to the bathroom on your own, cooking for yourself or just being able to think clearly without forgetting what it was you were thinking about a second ago. We all pray in our own ways for better tomorrows and optimism and positive thinking does get our spirits higher for sure, no matter where the fighter of cancer ends up, be it at home with their spouse, with parents, a friend or on the streets. It is truly crucial to have positiveness in each perspective compared to the individual bases for comparison to result in optimism for that bit of quality of life.
...
(Turned away from it all like a blind man
sat on a fence but it don't work
keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn
why, why, why!
Love....)
-Many people have not been touched by cancer, and many choose to ignore it. turning that blind eye on cancer and the need to find the cure is not ever going to work to save those we love later on. Sitting on the fence waiting and procrastinating to learn more about the basics of cancer and how you can help is not the solution for a cure, ..."it don't work!" ....sitting on that fence for that cure to just pop up will not save those you love, and every single person who does help brings that cure that much closer. Imagine if no one helped find this cure we still seek.... how can anyone imagine that while imagining loving our family and friends who find that cancer crept into their lives, leaving their lives slashed and torn without any cure due to no one helping. Today we are so fortunate we do have people helping, but to those who don't help, I cant help but to ask, "why? why? why?" The answer why we all help is: "Love"...
...
(insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
can't we give ourselves one more chance
why can't we give love that one more chance
why can't we give love, give love, give love
give love, give love, give love, give love, give love)
-For those of us who have experienced a cancer journey that spans many years, it is through sheer dark humor that sometimes helps us cope with the day to day miseries we struggle with, be it keeping food down while we joke our body confused the food with cancer and threw it out, or we just come up with funny reasons why we forget something so easy like the name of a friend, but we hope they laugh too, but under the pressures of the worry they have for us we too worry and find our sanity sometimes cracks. All we can do is focus on the love we have for each other and just understand that love is the basis for all we do for one another, and it is why we fight, to hold onto time to be with those we love, for more time, more loving time. We must relay for life, relay for time, relay for love, to give love that one more chance. Give love, give hope, give hope.. Love and hope...
...
(Cause love's such an old fashioned word
and love dares you to care for
the people on the edge of the night
and love dares you to change our way of
caring about ourselves
this is our last dance
this is ourselves
under pressure
under pressure
pressure)
-Because Love is the true old fashioned reason we seek for the cure. Love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the darkness of their lives who struggle to eat, to breath, to live, to love you back with open eyes to not show that pain they feel for the sake of those who love them... That love dares humanity to change our way of caring about ourselves as a civilized species. Dares us all to continue relaying for life until that cure is found, because for many of us who are still fighting for life, for time, for a normal life... This is our last dance, and as a whole, this is our last dance, our last chance to help those we love. This is our last chance, this is ourselves under pressure. This is us relaying for life, it is that pressure that drives us to care, to change our way we care for ourselves and for those fighting for life.
And, as one of the many who currently are fighting hard to beat this disease inside of us, "This IS our last dance, this is ourselves, under pressure!" ....
.......................
~Jennifer Wolf March 28, 2016
(My thoughts listening to this song)
...again, thank you for reading, bye for now!
~Jennifer Wolf o:)
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