Thoughts while I listen to songs (Part 3) ~ Idina Menzel - Let It Go (Frozen version)

Here's a third post from Facebook to be brought over to my blog,  and from this point I hope to just post here, but I can't say things will be good everyday when I feel like writing, so we will see what the future holds for the next postings!   :)


 To add to my description of why I felt this song to hit deep home for me,  is the fact that I still feel like I am in my early 20s,   like my life stopped when cancer came to change the life I knew, and from this I will always be about ten years behind my actual age. So as I am 30 today, I still think as if I am in my early 20s, lol.

 Cancer truly isolated me to  my room,  to my bed for years in fact for the most part. I eventually tapped in to my stubborn side to overcome how I perceived my situation and imagined I was well and able to make myself beautiful, as opposed of how I saw my reflection of the mess I become with cancer,  and do all I wanted to do. I remember being at my worst in the scariest times where I was always cold, so I imagined it snowing outside,   and me in the mountains camping. I used imagination deeply and made my Secondlife avatar as pretty as I felt in the times I would imagine being well and doing all I wanted within the growing imaginative life I consumed my mind with all the impossibilities that can ever be in anyone's real life. Sometimes imagination mashes with real life and thoughts flow out,  much like what you will read below and turns into motivation to cope with my current situations. This is just me,  surviving life as I know it....

...

Herroooo....
In life, to survive the bad to enjoy the good, sometimes you have to reach into your past and remember the worst. Those memories can turn the winds of bad into a mild breeze.

I had a scan done again to see how the chemo treatments are working and they felt it best to continue full treatment weekly for two months but changes are pending how overall health holds up and scans later on too. For now, to help maintain a level of health just to get thru treatments, I am back to having the I.V. pole by my bed at home, but for now only need it for part of each day, mainly when I nap and sleep. It helps keep my hydration up, while times I am awake I am constantly taking sips of Pedialyte. This helps for low function liver and undergoing treatment with the almost daily puking each time I eat. ..I know, too graphic, but that's just the raw and truthful normalcy of it.

Anyways, I honestly rather not be very detailed of all I go thru in my days, but it was important to know at least that much to understand my thoughts while hearing an otherwise over-played song we all can admit we fell in love with. This song is from the Disney movie "Frozen", and is called "Let It Go", sung by Idina Menzel. (I still love each time it plays!)

This time I will not go lyric by lyric then my thoughts but will simply put my thoughts relative to the song, but will very much make sense if you already know the words. Here are my thoughts to this song in order to the actual lyrics........ but in my own changed lyrics.

(This took a lot to do for me so I hope u enjoy it for what it is and means to me for my focus in my journey, afterwards watch the video and feel the perspective I just shared with you in my version of the lyrics. Oh, and Cindy is my best friend/sis-in-law/caregiver!).........
.
.
[Let It Go - my journey's version]
-
-The sun shines white on my four walls today,
No one else is home for a while, Cindy is at work.
My room of cancer fighting social isolation,
And it looks again, I'm the queen.
.
The recent winds we had mimicked raging emotions
I hold inside.
At times my tears, I cant always keep them in,
heaven knows I do tried.
.
Don't want cancer again, spots on scans
I never want to see.
I want to be the healthy girl I always have to be.
Try concealing fears, being sick, try not letting it show.
Well some days they just know.
.
Our fears must go, just let them go,
I see Cindy's tears at times she cant hold
them back anymore.
My friend it's ok to just let them fall,
Let them go.
She often turns away to her room and slams her door.
.
I know she don't care of the bad the doctors say.
As the cool I.V. drips, and chemo storm rages on.
I'm a fighter, that cold never bothered me anyway.
.
It is funny how some journeys
Makes everything else seem small.
And these fears at times consume me,
I can't let them get to me at all!
.
Now it is time to prove what my will can do,
to be resilient and make it through.
Cant have worries with tears, no fears for me!
From fear I want to be free!!
.
So I must let them go, I let you know,
I'm prepared and optimistic, and this I do I try.
At home my tears I let them go,
but online they never show.
My online friends, you'll never see me cry.
.
But here I am...
And here I'll stay.
While this journey's storm rages on...
.
My will is great I will throw my fears onto the ground.
It hurts to see again my brother panic,
his mind is mostly scattered all around.
Please focus on cancer being killed by the poisonous chemo's blast.
God, I never want cancer back,
this suffering past was in the past!!
.
Cancer in this world must go, I want it to go.
May a cure rise like a phoenix, let us live on.
Life's plans we let them go,
our hair we let it go.
That familiar girl in the mirror is gone.
.
But here I stand....
And I'll fight everyday.
.
In my journey I rage on.
The chemo's coldness never bothered me anyway!

........


Here is the video, and beneath this are the original lyrics. This way you can see how my words fit with the original song to a point, but not singable in my version, lol.

Disney's Frozen "Let It Go" Sequence, Performed by Idina Menzel , original version:

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen.

..
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.

..
Don't let them in, don't let them see.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Well, now they know!

..

Let it go, let it go!
Can't hold it back any more. Let it go, let it go!
Turn away and slam the door.

..
I don't care what they're going to say.
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway.

..

It's funny how some distance,
makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all

..
It's time to see what I can do,
to test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
I'm free!

..

Let it go, let it go.
I am one with the wind and sky.
Let it go, let it go.
You'll never see me cry.

..
Here I'll stand, and here I'll stay.
Let the storm rage on.

...

My power flurries through the air into the ground.
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back; the past is in the past!

..

Let it go, let it go.
And I'll rise like the break of dawn.
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone

..
Here I stand, in the light of day.

..

Let the storm rage on!
The cold never bothered me anyway...

.........



I hope you all are doing well and enjoying life!
*loving hugs for all*
Ty for reading!
~Jennifer Wolf