POST TRIMMING AND CUTTING IT IN HALF, LOL
Recently I have been posting very long blog posts, mostly due to the very deep subjects I been running through my mind in recent months. This blog post I been working on is no different, but has been put on hold due to a recent bout with a head cold that lasted a solid week and longer with the left overs of getting better, lol. So now, I decided to section off my blog draft into smaller posts. I feel for the sake of my readers, that it is best to keep posts shorter so no one will feel overwhelmed by such a large article, lol. Yes, I know, you all are welcome, I tend to get wordy on things and run on with typing on things that make little sense at times, but I feel I mean well on what I have to say. So now, on to the first part of my blog post. o:)
THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR
Oh
how we take things for granted in life at young ages. Even those who
are in their middle age, who never use skin care products, yet have that
17 year old looking skin, that pisses off everyone at their high school
reunions. Many do not know the value of the little things in life. Having
hair, ability to walk, can drive all day on a long trip, ....to speak,
these are a few of several things many take for granted they have in
their lives. How many girls out there really enjoy shopping for a bra?
Oh the choices!...: wire, non-wire, cross strap, wide strap, gel
strap, convertible, strapless, padded, ...shall I continue? .....sports
bra, nursing bra, ...and mastectomy bra. Does anyone know what
a mastectomy bra is? Mmhmm, those who don't most likely, yet
unknowingly, take it for granted they don't require such a bra. It is
purely an example of things taken for granted.
A CLOSER LOOK
REFLECTION OF A SURVIVOR
I am working on my issues, so no worry on my welfare just yet. This journey of healing I'm on is still well underway! The girl in the mirror is pure perspective, but maybe it is this girl I see as another person I met along the way, someone I came to know, yet still feel inside that I am still that girl I once was before. Sometimes that is just how it is for me, without the multi-personality thing going on, lol. I see this girl in the mirror, as the survivor, a fighter, a girl more resilient than I ever was before. She has this hard serious look when I see this girl in the mirror, she has a familiar smile at times, and a lost yet very understanding look in her eyes. What I notice in her eyes, deeper still, is her regret with what she sees, regret for not making the right choices before things became so bad. What I see when I look at her face, is me, now. I wish I could accept her to be the same as I feel inside, this girl in me, the one who feels trapped from simply going out without any care of how she looks. At times, it does become confusing to speak as if it is a completely different person, this image I see in the mirror, but it is only a perspective of how I feel of what I see. But again, do not worry, it is work in progress towards acceptance.
NO ALARM! ...I AM OK, ...I THINK, LOL
I know many could simply take on the wrong impression by my words to become concerned of my psychological state. Am I ok? Am I stable? Am I a basket case, a nutter? The answer is hard to justify either way, but perhaps because the answer has been blurred to me, to myself. I can tell you, I AM ok, I am as stable as I ever was, possibly more so now than before I got sick. I am not a basket case, but I can be an "Easter basket case" full of chocolate sweetness!, LOL. Ok, that was just way too cheesy, lol. I am more of a nutter maybe, but a good nutter. I do my best to be me, and be true to myself. I feel that is best. I would really think it best if I had a really good exfoliation mask that peels off the mess and leaves behind a fresh start with renewed skin, fully healthy, without scars, just as it all was before. LOL. *Dreams* lol. :')
MEN IN WHITE COATS AND BUTTERFLY NETS.... STAND BY!
You know the funny thing to me now, is that I can think back to just a few years ago, and recall the time when I covered up my mirrors in the bathroom, so I would not see myself, would not see how messed up I got, the dark circled sunken eyes, the literally falling apart skin, the sores, discoloration of my skin and eyes. I had to hide myself from myself, so I would not give excuse to how I felt. I had to believe I was ok, somehow, and strive to get better, each day, just continue to try. It did get hard to keep going like that, but I owe my life greatly to my best friend Cindy for pulling me through that time, like many times she has done throughout my battle with cancer. I am better today on how I see myself, so don't think I am in need of a straight-jacket just yet, lol. I still have hope I can get to the place I need to be without having the "butterfly catchers" chasing me, at least not yet, lol.
Thank you for reading my crazy words of insane-wisdom. Much I write is also to help me get through some hurdles in life, and for others to find humor as I do between the struggles within the survival of life. I will have more on this mirror subject later on, but for now this is what I have complete since dealing with a head cold, which hampered my blog work a bit, lol. I may be good at multi-tasking, but I just can not sneeze, blow my nose every few minutes, cough up a lung and write, typing on my keyboard while having a headache trying to see text on my screen through watered up eyes, lol. If I added chewing gum, I would have experienced a mental overload, lol.
Bye for now and stay away from getting the cold!, trust me, lol
*hugs you all*
Jennifer Wolf o:)
